At the beginning of this school year I asked the Lord to reveal to me my gifts. Which of course hasn’t panned out as expected, but has nonetheless been a beautiful journey so far. However, one of the harder things to accept and embrace has been my emotions. I thought that maybe it was just the weather change or the stress of school. But thinking about it a little more recently, it’s just a part of who I am… I am one of those people who is “overly emotional” (I use quotes because those are my words and my description of myself and my experience of emotions).
A lot of things “set off” my emotions. A cheesy rom-com where people fall in love or where someone dies makes me cry. Any movie that has a cancer patient in it will probably make me cry. Good articles that I read make me cry. And the normal things that happen in life that most people would cry over, make me cry too.
Here are a few text messages I have sent to different people over the last month that I want to share before I continue:
“I just wish anxiety wasn’t a thing. Or that the things that usually work would’ve worked yesterday…Or that I wasn’t so emotional or so effected by my emotions or that logic + reason worked to calm emotions…or that I days where I shake all day because I’m anxious wasn’t a thing…”
“And even if he had a good reason it’s gonna hurt regardless. I’m just … I’m hurting today and that’s just what it is because I’m acutely aware of my emotions. And I feel every emotion deeply and I love deeply and because of that things that seem trivial hurt. And it is what it is and it sucks but it’s fine because it all boils down to being a part of who I am and I can’t change that. And it just happens to be a particularly rough time emotionally later and last time that happened a lot growth was happening.”
I’m slowly coming to realize that I am a person who is more in tune with her emotions than others, and I’m learning to see that as gift (even in the frustrating moments). Sunday I had a pretty rough day which involved a sob-fest in the evening, and I’ve been struggling to recover since then. Today I woke up feeling bleh. I had a hard time sleeping last night and I woke up with a sore throat. My prayer time was distracted. It just felt like it wasn’t my day. So I decided to open the Bloom, Lovely app on my phone and see what today’s message was. It was absolutely perfect and absolutely what I needed to hear! Here’s the message:
Lovely, you often think you are “too much” – too delicate or too temperamental or too passionate for others to handle. Sometimes you think you need to calm down and get it together. In truth, a sensitive heart that dreams and feels deeply is a strength! Being sensitive to others allows us to be perceptive to their needs in ways others might overlook. Being emotional allows us to know how to react to a situation with kindness and compassion. Today, embrace these parts of yourself and know they are a part of what makes you, you!
When we spend our lives looking at everyone’s “perfect” lives posted on social media we forget that they have messy lives too, just like us. There has been a lot of beauty in asking the Lord to reveal my gifts to me, to help me see the ways he has blessed me, and the ways He is calling me to build up his Kingdom as His daughter.
Often times are greatest strengths are also our greatest weaknesses. I’m discovering that many of the things I want to change about myself are things that make me, me. If I could change my stubbornness, my intense emotions, the way I get hangry…. and I’m sure there are more. So next time you think to yourself “I wish I wasn’t so emotional”, thank God for the gift of your emotions and the person he has made you to be.