I don’t remember when this conversation happened or why it happened, but I’m glad it did. I was talking to my dad one time and he mentioned how confidant I used to be as a little kiddo. He told me about a memory he had — I was little, probably around 6 years old. I had been taking piano lessons and we had our spring concert, and according to my dad I went up there and played my piano with an abundance of confidence, but at 6 years old, I was actually terrible. But what my dad remembers is the confidence I had to go up and play that piano. Now, at the age of 22, I’m learning to rediscover my confidence. I want to gain that confidence that I had at 6 years old back.
The thing is, our world is broken and filled with broken people who have broken hearts and they are just trying to mend their own broken hearts. And I don’t know when my confidence was shattered. Maybe it was in elementary school or middle school when mean girls said mean things to me or about me. Maybe it was my high school boyfriend, who was emotionally abusive in the way he talked to me, the way he treated me, the way he pulled me away from my friends. Or maybe it’s a compilation of all these things or maybe it’s something completely different. Regardless, I at one point was broken to a point where I was no longer confidant. I lost a piece of who I was because I am afraid. Afraid of what people think of me….
The first step to remedying any problem is to recognize and acknowledge there is a problem and the second step is to, in some capacity, do something about it. Before I go any further, I want to say that this is a constant process and battle and it’s not something that is fixed in 5 easy steps AND this is MY experience, so this works for me, but it may not be the case for you…
So I’ve completed step 1. I’ve recognized an issue. So what have I been doing it about?
Well, once this was brought to my attention, I slowly began to bring it to the Lord in prayer, but a lot of times it was with a lot of fear. And I didn’t really want to sit before the Lord with this as our topic of interest, so slowly but surely, I began to bring this to the Lord. And slowly, I’ve begun to place my identity in being a daughter of God — not a runner, a student, an avid coffee lover, a nurse, but simply as a child of God. And in doing that, I’m learning that my confidence does not come from myself, but it is something that comes from God and from knowing who I am as His daughter. So far, my process has been allowing the Lord to reveal to me the depth of His love for me, to come to know who He is as my Father and who I am as His daughter.
However, I recently made a decision to take better care of my body, to be a good steward of my body, and to take care of it, to treat as the temple of the Holy Spirit that it is. And that is where I am beginning to notice changes within myself, big changes.
I was waking up in the morning feeling real poopy (for lack of better words). I was lethargic. I had zero energy, but I was getting plenty of sleep. However, I was eating like crap and sitting all. the. time. So, I decided it was time to make a change. Because I didn’t want to feel like crap anymore.
Last week, exactly 1 week ago today I decided to start looking into gyms in my area and ended up joining a gym Thursday afternoon! That’s crazy! However, because I’m paying for a gym membership, and being taught how to workout and exercise aside from running I am more motivated to workout and to go to the gym. Then, because I’m exercising, I’m more inclined to eat healthier too, to get back into my healthy eating habits. Since making a change I’ve been sleeping better at night, needed less sleep, less coffee, and had more energy. I don’t know if I’ve lost any pounds or inches because I haven’t checked in a week of making changes, but I feel better. My muscles are sore, but it’s the good kinda sore.
But most of all, I’m feeling more confidant and comfortable in my own skin! I don’t remember the last time I felt like this. And that’s such a good thing. So thanks be to God that in choosing to make lifestyle changes, to better care for my body and striving to be healthy, I’m starting to feel more confidant, and becoming more of the woman God created to be, and growing in confidence of that woman He has created me to be! Stay tuned for more updates as I continue on this journey! I’m really excited to see what the Lord has in store for me!