The last couple days have been a struggle. I just don’t want to do things. I’m tired.I’m lonely. I just don’t feel good as a whole. I have things that I have to do but have no desire to do. It has been a struggle. So, sitting down to prayer today was hard. But good news is that when we show up to prayer, so does the Lord.
As I went through the daily mass readings this line from Hosea 14 stood out:
I will heal their defection says the Lord,
[I will LOVE them FREELY]
The Gospel reading today says “you will love the Lord your God with your whole heart, whole mind, whole strength…”
As I was reflecting on these two words I realized something, something HUGE
not only do we need to love the Lord our God, but we need to allow Him to love us in our raw + broken selves.
So naturally, my next move was to ask the Lord where I wasn’t allowing Him to love me. And He spoke very clearly saying “relinquish your need for control. Don’t grasp so tightly for control, but trust me. It brings me great consolation when my children trust me with everything.”
I then started flipping back through my journal and found this line I had written down from a book I read (Consoling the Heart of Jesus):
I want to help you more than you want to be helped
And I reflected with this sentence, placing my own struggle into the line: the Lord wants to free me from my need for control more than I desire to be freed.
The Lord wants to heal you from your infirmities more than you want to be healed.
The Lord wants to free you from your anxiety more than you want to be freed from your anxiety.
The Lord wants to heal your broken heart more than you want your heart healed.
The Lord wants to heal you from your eating disorder more than you want to be healed and freed.
The Lord desires so much to free and heal us, but so often we doubt that He can or that He wants to. But He choose to FREELY LOVE us. He chooses to wash us in His mercy. He chooses to make known to us the depth of His love for each of us, if only we will ask and look and seek.
Will you lean into the Lord’s love? Will you be a beggar before the Lord? Will you open that darkened part of your heart to the Lord, so that His light may shine through the cracks of your brokenness? Will you let Him love you freely? Will you expose yourself wholly to the Lord, raw and broken before His throne of grace?
Thanks be to God, for He is a God of mercy. May we rejoice in his mercy and lay ourselves daily before his throne of grace, mercy, and love.