Earlier this year I went to confession and for assistance with overcoming a particular sin the priest encouraged me to kneel before a crucifix every day and ask the Lord to reveal to me the depths of His love for me. Obviously, I followed the advice of this priest, I mean it’s really good advice. What bad thing could come from asking your creator to reveal to you just how much He loves you?
Last night, for the first time since that particular confession I fell into the temptation of this sin again. The last couple weeks have been ridiculously stressful because all these “life” things keep happening to me that are considered stress events. My car was hit. My bank account was hacked (or something like that I don’t know proper terms regarding that stuff). I’ve been struggling hardcore. And I’ve been exhausted, but I continue to persevere. And these are really just the surface level things…
Today I was feeling guilty, shameful, etc. I was grump, irritated, and didn’t want to do anything today. But I had to go to clinical. I also had to drive home to my mom’s house to pick up my new card. I didn’t have the choice to hide today, but that’s what I wanted to do.
While I was driving home my music annoyed me so I turned it off, and just drove home in silence giving my mind and my heart a time of silence. And I prayed. I talked to my God, my King, my Savior and it was so good. He reminded of what the priest had told me not so long ago about coming before the Lord and asking Him to reveal the depth of His love for me, so that’s exactly what I did. I couldn’t kneel because I was driving, but I came before the Lord in that moment and asked Him to show me how he loved. Teach me your ways O Lord, I want to love you better. I need more of you Lord.
And the beauty of the whole situation is that the Lord showed up! He showed up hundred fold, as He always does.
When I got home no one was home, but my mom had left a pile on the table of all the things I was coming home for. My mom is starting to get into jewelry making and she made me a rosary this weekend, which was really beautiful. But the best part about it was that the medal at the bottom of the rosary was our Lady of Sorrows. A couple weeks ago I was in Generations (local Catholic bookstore) and this beautiful painting they have of Mary stood out to me and I couldn’t get out of my mind so when I got home I started looking for different images of Mary, to see which one the painting I fell in love with was — it was our Lady of Sorrows! How good is the Lord! Mary, is so close to our hearts, letting us know that when we suffer she suffers with us! How beautiful!
Then, as I was driving back to Columbus the Father painted the sky so beautifully with the sunset! It was absolutely breathtaking, and I just knew it was the Lord reminding me that I am loved even when I don’t feel like I am or feel like I deserve to be loved. His mercy is greater!
I want to encourage you tonight to ask the Lord to reveal to you just how much He loves you! Tonight, He showed up right away and removed the blindfold that was blocking my sight, but he doesn’t always do this, so just keep asking, I know He will show up just when you need Him the most!