Restless Hearts

Our hearts are restless until they rest in you, O Lord. 

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These infamous words of St. Augustine strike a chord for me on a regular basis. Today they struck home once more.

Lately I’ve been feeling really frustrated with a lot of different things. I was talking with one of my good friends the other night and she said to “I wish people would stop telling me to be patient in waiting for my vocation.” And I whole-heartedly agreed with her! As women, we wait. We wait to be pursued. We wait to get engaged. We wait to get married. We wait to have babies. Etcetera. If there’s one thing women do a lot, it’s waiting. It’s a good thing, but a hard thing. And when my friend said this, it really resonated with me, because it is actually not helpful for someone to tell me to be patient in waiting for my vocation, in waiting for a man to pursue me. I am being patient. I am waiting. If I’m talking about it, it is because I’m currently feeling frustrated. It’s because I’m currently finding waiting really hard. It’s not because I’m not being patient, it’s because being patient is currently hard.

I was telling one of my friends about this conversation I’d had and she gave me the best piece of advice I’ve ever heard when it comes to this topic.

Know that it’s okay that you feel restless because your desire is for marriage and Jesus has that on your heart which is good and okay! It’s going to be hard right now but you’ll keep getting the grace you need.

Shoot! Wait… hold on a sec, she said it’s okay to feel restless. I have never been told that it was okay to feel restless, and I’m so glad this sister of mine was able to put my mind and my heart at ease. Being a girl is hard. I was frustrated that I was feeling frustrated. I wasn’t even able to name that I was feeling restless because I felt like it was a bad thing to be restless.

After hearing these words from my friend I began to feel more peaceful, knowing that I was allowed to feel what I was feeling. And being able to name how I was feeling as restless enabled me to turn to the Lord more in my suffering. It brought me to the quote “our hearts are restless until they rest in you.” It reminded me that Jesus is my peace, and in Him alone am I satisfied.

It enabled me to approach Jesus in the Eucharist today and give him my restless heart. Thanks be to God for restless hearts. Restless hearts that remind us of our true home. Restless hearts that lead us back to the one who desires to sit on the throne. Restless hearts that let us know we’re not where we’re supposed to be, but we’re headed in the right direction.

If you’re feeling restless today, tomorrow, this week, this month, this year — offer this restless heart to the Lord. Allow Him to satisfy your restlessness, but also know that it is okay to feel restless.

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