Real + Raw

I should be studying for my exams tomorrow, but that’s not happening so I thought I’d blog instead… because that’s logical thinking…

Today was one of those days where I woke up and I knew, I knew it was going to be a hard day. I woke up after a 3rd night in a row of not sleeping well. I didn’t feel like doing anything. Sheer and utter exhaustion weighed heavy upon my being as I slowly awoke to reality this morning. There were things I had to do, exams I had to study for, there was no staying in bed today.

Today was one of those days where I felt everything. My best guy friend from high school got engaged… and I sobbed. Gut wre…no heart wrenching sobs, writhing in my bed because I was frustrated. SO beyond frustrated that I feel stuck. That every stinkin day there seems to be this reminder that my life is not moving forward. That I’m not graduating (yet), I don’t know what I’m doing this summer, I didn’t get a summer externship like I was wanting, all my friends seem to have their life moving forward, but I’m stuck in limbo. Prayer was hard this morning. Oh and I had to tell this guy that I’d been talking to that until he figures out what he’s doing we can’t keep talking like we have been.

It has been a day. So I decided to go for a run. Runs make me feel better… but I was running to try and numb the emotions I was feeling and then my run was hard. Today was a day where I wanted to quit life. I’m ready to go away to a cabin in the woods and just hide for a while.

But what was cool about today was once more seeing my sisters show up for me. I texted a few asking them to pray for me and telling them I didn’t want to talk about what was wrong. But there was one to whom I said something about some days our hearts ache and it just sucks and she asked me what was going on, so I told her… and she told me to let myself feel what I was feeling. It’s okay to feel this way, and that despite feeling this way, the Lord is working outside of what my human eyes can see.

So today was another day where I was learning it’s okay to feel the raw hard emotions we sometimes feel. It’s okay to cry because the day is just hard and that’s the only thing you can do. The bad days, they remind us that we’re human, and they remind us that we’re in need of our savior. If you’re reading this and you’re having a bad day, week, month, year, etc then know that you’re not alone. And eventually, the bad will pass, and good will come… or at least, that’s what I’m choosing to believe.

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